The Onion's latest newsflash: God's contemplating on resigning!

THE HEAVENS—At a press conference Tuesday, God Almighty, our Lord and Heavenly Father, gave his strongest indication yet that he might soon step down from his post as the supreme ruler of all things.

Following a routine address during which God confirmed the recent extinction of several thousand species, the Divine Creator fielded questions regarding rumors of his possible retirement.

"I've been at this a long time," said God, ∞, the all-knowing, all-powerful being who has presided over the cosmos since forming it from sheer nothingness nearly 14 billion years ago. "And the truth is, this was never something I planned on doing forever. Lately, in fact, I've begun to wonder if I should move on sooner rather than later."

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Jokes aside, there's some truth to be found in this article. Is God now just a figurehead in our lives? Someone to love (when we feel like it), someone who answers wishes, yet seemingly unimportant in every other aspect of our everyday lives?